What / where / who / how / when is my next station?

I finished my secondary school. The next station should be? My plan is to go for A-level in London , then University. UEC is NOT very useful to me, because it doesnt enable me to go STRAIGHT to any BETTER universities , such as University of Bristol or London school of Economics. Im telling people that Im using my Forecast result to apply a scholarship in A-Level. BUT it doesnt mean that my result was NOT GOOD ENOUGH! WTF! I want to build a BETTER and STRONGER STAGE for myself so I can do better in Uni.

IF YOU DONT KNOW ANYTHING, DONT SIMPLY JUDGE ME, NEITHER MY RESULT!

I hate when people say "OH! You're not Good enough" "OH you know, study in London is HARD" "ohhhhh!!!" WTF! MAYBE IT'S REALLY HARD FOR YOU, BUT NOT ME!! You're not from London, you know NOTHING! so just shut up and fuck off!

I know it's not easy to study in this place. Every stage in life is a Mission. Fate is fuck! Faith can change the world. Hard-Work is the key! I need encouragement , not you to trample on me.

Silly.

This is just nice!

Mercedes Benz CLS 500!

这个跟平常不一样的Inspiration!

记录。

我曾经热爱记录生活的点点滴滴，可是不知道在什么时候开始，我停止记录。也许忙，也许找不到值得记录的事。今天，我找到一份感动，所以我将要把它记录下来。

现在的心情很平静。出奇的平静。
在我桌子旁有一杯很大杯很大杯的热开水，口很渴，水很热，在等水凉。

明天就是高中毕业典礼，高中毕业，supposed to be 一件很开心的事，不懂为什么心情就是很被影响。

我觉得我还活在统考毕业考的阴影里omg! 因为我几乎还是会梦见那个考场。毕业考时，我坐在最后一个位子，统考我就坐在第一个位子。我常梦见考历史经济学和数学。像昨晚，我就梦见考统考的普数和高数1。醒来的时候还会在想“是不是迟到了？”，很夸张。

从考完统考到现在，几乎每天晚上都有party. 这种生活，还好啦，不能持续太久，不然也是很闷的。

每个人对美好生活都会有所向往。我也有自己心里的美好生活。我是个很容易觉得生活乏闷的人，因此我必须不断寻找新鲜事物点缀生活。我很在乎生活的点点滴滴，就比如说，我对厕所的清洁度很要求。我觉得简陋的房子无所谓，但最重要就是厕所要干净。怎样判断这个人是否有条理，看厕所就知道！一间豪宅不管多豪华，如果厕所不干净，始终称不上是豪宅。

第二，我喜欢文化。我喜欢看其他民族的文化。我喜欢带有文化色彩的一切事物。我喜欢看别人怎么为生活而生活，再拿来反照自己的生活如何。我喜欢从别人的生活中得到启发，因为我觉得这样的启发会很深刻。

我喜欢寻找灵感。我觉得灵感是我热爱生活的动力。没有人能够在缺乏灵感的生活中生活。因为那将会很枯燥乏味，而且那是为生活而生活，会很闷。

我觉得，我并没有诚实面对自己。我觉得我活在别人赞美的眼光里。我觉得我并没有你们眼中那么好。我觉得你们很高估我。事实上，我觉得没有人应该被什么人高估。我没有应该得到什么，不应该得到什么。我的下一步，应该由我自己决定。但是，我觉得我失去了自主权。自主权。有时候，我无力得想捶墙壁，我很无言。我沉默。直到我放弃。放弃解释，放弃渴望，放弃追求，放弃热忱，放弃双手。放弃。

可是我相信。我相信一个人的双手可以创造奇迹，绝对可以，任何奇迹都可以！只要你愿意。我更渴望热忱。热忱，是对每一件事物每一个人都有热忱，就是相信一切事物都是美好的，相信一切不好的事情的发生都是要造就及塑造一个更完美的个体。只有怀抱热忱和希望，我们才能不对生活失去盼望。我想信每个让人跌倒的坑洞都会有人去填补，总会有雪中送炭的人，也总会有天使守护我们。

在我遇到很紧急的状况是，我第一件做的事情就是喊“耶稣”的名字。但是我很久没有这么做了。直到今天下午。然后我发现我现在很平静，心情很美，很多很美的事物回忆在我脑海里，于是我选择将它们记录下来。曾经有一位朋友，是她教我在遇到苦难时就呼喊"Jesus"的名字三次。可是我每次不仅呼喊三次，而是很多很多次。我参加一个conference，那个Pastor说，每个人的身旁都有四个守护天使，我也相信。

我相信生活，我相信双手，我相信热忱，我相信灵感。

Im RUNNING OUT OF INSPIRATION!!!!!!!!!! GOOOOSSSSHHHHHH!!!!!! URRGGHHH!!!

Not updating blog lately, too many things distracted me.

But today, I found something inspirational. An E-mail from my sister in London.
[ A great testimony to share: GOD REALLY LOVE ME SO MUCH.. I feel that I am really blessed. I thank God for giving me this job. Although it is just a one-year contract job, I really appreciated it. I have more time to look for my training contract and at least, I didn’t waste too much time doing nothing at home. Besides that, in order to allow me to work in the UK, I need to have a visa. My student visa expired end of October. So I need to apply the graduate scheme or else the HR department will not allow me to work. I am really stressed up that time because I only have a month of student visa left. (which means that I can only work on Oct unless I have the graduate visa). I have asked some of my friends who had already got the visa; all of them said that this application would take for roughly a month. I was panicking because I think that there is a period which I do not have a status to remain in this country (i.e. my student visa had expired and before I was granted the new visa) Apart from that, a lot of people had been telling me that it is difficult to get this visa nowadays as UK is experiencing recession at the moment. At that time, all I can do is to pray to our Lord. I prayed that he will grant my visa. Surprisingly, he answered my prayer. I really thanked God for everything that he had done for me. Someone told me that we are the children of Him. If we ask from Him, why would He not give us? I think this is really true. Sometimes we are just too lazy to ask from God. I have once lost and I am happy that I am back to Him. Although I have lost, God still provide me the best. Without God, I feel that it is so empty. I hope that God will speak to us through his word (i.e. the bible). (BIBLE – Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth ) ]

I love this part! So much! I think God is someone so true yet undeniable. We must experienced Him in order to know more about Him.

To those who are married, .. Not married .. and soon to be married

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day..

She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions... She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully..

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.

刚才去医院探望淑娜，结果她正在动手术。
然后就跟她妈妈聊了起来。她妈妈看起来好憔悴。
她说淑娜动了好几次手术了，所以有点缺血。
已经有善心人士捐了三包血了，可是还是不够。
她是O型血，刚好去探望的三个人中，只有我市O型血的..
啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊！！！！想要捐血！！
可是护士说要两个礼拜后，刚好是毕业典礼...
要问妈妈可不可以去捐。

我其实不很认识淑娜，可是为什么就是感觉应该要为学妹做些什么...

淑娜妈妈说，淑娜晚上都会做恶梦。
梦见自己掉进大海、掉进河里被水冲走等等等等。。
听了心酸酸的。。 她情绪不稳定。
可是最近比较好了，昨晚是她睡得最好的一晚。

可能明天再去看她，还要带些什么补品给她妈妈，辛苦了！

加油加油！

哇 我好开心 woo 我很开心 weee 我非常开心 我真的很开心！ :D
很开心很开心很开心！ 就很开心嘛！

<3

我必须用意志力克服那个该死的统考！加油加油！为自己打气！

I never good enough for you.
I never make you proud of me.
I always make you mad at me.
And there's no reason , no solution.

Light of the world you step down into darkness,
Open my eyes let me see..
Beauty that makes this heart adores you ..
Here I am to worship, here I am to bow down..

When I see you , my heart smiles.
When I look at you , I found faith.
When I start to think about love, I think about you.
it's all about you you you !

Iam so happy today! C:

Distinction and Medal

We finally had our LAST Ubs Stock test last saturday.

I had got both Distinction for UBS Accounting test and second-level LCCI test. Happy of course!

I dont think I had a nice sleep last night. You know wad, I always trusted when someone says " I can do it!" . Like when Jing En says he can get average of 70, Jan wants to break record, Wyt wants to SLIM DOWN *tmd*, Billy wants to swim faster than me etc. I trusted wadever once they say " I can do it! ", from the bottom of my heart. I've got high expectation on wadever I trust. And Maybe that I've want to to be too great, it disappoints me from the deepest of my heart too. Or perhaps I trust something too easily? Things come to an end when I lost enthusiasm. I am serious.

So I woke up at 4am. 8am Jing En says "let's go breakfast together!", so he came and pick me up and we went to 金门楼 to greet Doli and Hunt Yew. I've got a called from Jan when I was waiting for my food, she has got a GOLD MEDAL already! And just another o.o4m to break record.. To bad! But still, great job! and then we talked and talked and talked and talked and blah blah blah.....

Then I received sth from Wyt. Got me punya de san guo. xD

I went to art tuition just now. Teacher scolded me .. indirectly. I know she was disappointed? I dont know. Im too stupid. I just cant do the colours things. sien. She asked me to go tuition more often, dont always skip :x

Im going to foodfair later, I missssss the sausagesssssss!!

Im going to the Foo Chow society to get the 奖学金 on last year term-exam result and spm tomorrow morning and have decided to devote all the money to the church. But the problem is I haven found anyone to accompany me. So I need someone to accompany me else Im gonna be alone... :( tomorrow 9am. Can someone? Call me ya!

最近...

一个月半之后就是十月，四个月半之后是2010年。

我喜欢写部落格，但是我今年并没有很多时间在做这件事。
我特别喜欢 "My Heart, Your Home", 它让我感觉很温馨，让我感觉是忙碌的生活后的停歇处。

我这一年啊，遇到很多不同的人，觉得自己很幸运，而且，觉得很幸福。

昨天去打针，今天一整天都觉得累累的。
今天的数学总测我不会，JiNeng说会考2008年的，半题都没有！
今天赛慧总是跟我讲话！！！她真的很会讲！
下午下了很大的雨，然后风很大，刚刚在等车的时候狂打喷涕。
刚刚从Hopoh回来，陪朋友去看运动装。那里什么都有，可是有点危险的感觉，毕竟不是华人的地盘。

前天放学时，妈妈在车上跟我说，可以开始申请大学了。
她说，虽然独中文凭可以免读A Level?，可是她和阿姨却都希望我去读A-level，打基础。
所以，如果确定的话，我可能明年一月份就会离开古晋了。

文如有回来，不到五年内就回来。她回来，让我发现原来一切都不一样。
我忘了当初是谁跟她说五年内要回来，可是我觉得她surprised式的回来有点自取其辱，
好像客人来到主人家，还要客人强迫主人接见她的感觉，这种感觉比冰还要冷。丢脸。
不知道承诺值多少钱？真诚的心比较值钱。

从前，说好不会去夜店混；说好要“分享”人生的每一则故事；说好谁都不会忘记谁；
哪来的矛盾这么多？还是人的心注定要被权势给腐蚀？
当你得到权势后，你还能得到更多什么来满足贪婪的心？
现实。

但我始终相信这世界是美好的！！！！！！！！ (:

今天之后，会是我人生新的转折点。
我会怀念过去，也会期待未来！
我相信的世界是美好的！
永远保持一颗真诚的心！

我很不开心。

“你能超越卓越，你却选择平凡。”
“你能超越卓越，你却选择平凡。”
“你能超越卓越，你却选择平凡！！”--------陈石兴说的。

曾经，有个老师，她说...“”。懒惰写。

最近我们都在跑步，跑到很夸张，连我也不敢相信我能跑那么长。
可是今天我想游泳。可是我觉得今天不可能去游泳。
我想练... ...

我想reformat我的脑袋。

八月的假期我和churchmates会去马六甲。老师每天都在骂我们不专心读书。
还说如果我们班在这样继续下去，“会有人是不毕业的hor!!!”
我倒觉得凡是自有定数。明天开班会主要针对这个。
我不喜欢。

今天脑袋lag lag的。眼睛花花的。

Hola!

Hello people!

Im doing good recently despite all the revision tests.
Will be having test everyday this week, and I think that..
I have not try my best while doing those revision..
I was so stupid.

Sai hui everyday talks to meeeeee... :((

Im planning to have a party this coming saturday night..
The party starts at 7.30pm, so if you're free, just come and have fun..
Ya you know, too stress, need to relax~
Ask me more about it! Welcome especially classmates and old friends!
Miss you guys much!

It's really a tiring thing to drive everyday.
I need to pick my brother to tuition at 7pm and pick him again at 9pm.
Petrol is so expensive some more..
And my Myvi simply broke down. Battery low or some wadever.
I cant start it. So I need to drive the big big car, which Jing En says it's like a ship -.-

I went jogging last saturday and I jogged for 1600x3 meter heheheheheh!

oh hye! Im going to Taiwan this December!! with friends! C: